Today I was speaking with our daughter’s birthmother about a visit and she told me something that just makes me incredibly sad for her. She shared her story & some photos of Katie to a coworker who shamed her for honoring us with the opportunity to raise Katie! Even though she explained to her that she wanted something for her that she could not give her the woman was just cruel. In fact I think the exact quote from the woman was, “My kids suffer along with me!” I try to be understanding that it’s just that some people are not educated about adoption and then there are cultural differences etc. etc. but beyond that what about human compassion for this young woman who made such a difficult choice?!! It just hurts me to know that there are people judging and being cruel to her for doing something so selfless and wonderful for us and for Katie. I wish I could collect a thousand letters from people telling her that what she did was so incredibly loving. That makes me wonder if it is possible? Could I ask people to write a letter or statement about what a thoughtful and kind decision she made? How would I do this? I don’t have to use her name. I could use a post office box instead of my address. Is this a good idea? I just find myself wanting to shower her with positive warm thoughts and support to show her that there are people in this world that do not look down upon her but rather look at her as we do… our gift. Thoughts anyone? Julia
Julia, there are many tributes to birth moms out there, but the best one comes from you and Katie. Seeing how you love her, and how she loves you, and watching her grow up happy. . .that is the tribute that will make it right for her.
Unfortunately, one good act cannot take away the bad act of another. Love from one doesn’t take away the pain that another has caused. Your birth mother showed her strength and compassion when she placed Katie with you, and she will have to remind herself to show it to herself when ignorant people offer unwarranted, thoughtless criticism.